OVER!

There are a few things that are over.
One, Brad's anatomy class.
Thank you.
Now he came home today at noon. Awesome.
My baby's first month is over.
That means my postpardum is almost over. 6 weeks almost.
I went to the doc today because my hands swell excessively (more than when I was pregnant) and I'm starting to have a lot of pain in my hands. So its determined I have carpal tunnel. Which is normal and caused from swelling and hopefully will go away with time.

I love my doctor. Gosh. He is just a gem.
Here is a pic I just snapped of my baby just seconds ago.
I'm scared he is growing up too fast.

Brad thinks this sleeper is girly.

Well...he didn't say that he said, "Were you trying to make him gay?"

Which is totally inappropriate, but...whatever. I'm inappropriate sometimes. 

Brad also saw a random guy walking in the parking lot today. He had his t-shirt tucked into his shorts.

Brad said, "Is it tuck your shirt in day?" 

Brad then said, "Cuz you're nailin it."

Like the guy heard him.

But I laughed so hard.

Back to my baby.

These are pictures I took when he was 1 month old.

You see I went to visit my sis in arizona, that's another blog post.

So everybody does stats....every month right? That's the mom protocol? 

Well good thing I freaked out the night before he was one month old, because he had a high temp and was acting funny for 12+ hours.

And I took him to insta-care. 

He weighed 10.2 pounds, and was still at 21 1/2 inches. (And he was perfectly fine, just had some unknown problem, but no fever)

He was 7.15 pounds and 21 inches at birth.

He is mostly bald.  With some hair on the back and sides.

He still has trouble pooping....(is that stat worthy?)

He smiles at us, not just gas smiles, and it seriously is the cutest ever.

Everyone says he looks just like Brad but has my eyes.....

But I swear they are Brad's shape of eyes....

We lay Miles on his belly and he puts his arms under him and pushes up and kinda rolls/tips over onto his back. That has to be something cool right? Mr. Strong Man.

He has a few nicknames from us..

Bud, buddy, sweet cheeks, stinker (used when he poops up his back, or de-binks himself), love, lover, lover boy, cutie patootie. 

Not sure which ones will stick.

He loves being held, and is a good sleeper. He takes about 3 naps in the day each over 2 hours. Then he sleeps from 11-5AM, I feed him and he falls back to sleep till about 8 AM. Usually when I get him out of his little bed that is next to our bed, I feed him on one side (BREAST MILK) and then he is just out cold. Sound asleep. I try to burp him and he just hangs his little head over so asleep.

Mom, I was just hungry for a minute, now I need to go back to sleep.-Miles at 5 AM.

He has a little bit of baby acne. It comes and goes.

He poops and when he poops it is yellow and up his back. Constantly changing diapers. Constantly scrubbing clothes out. I have this vow to myself that I will not let any of his clothes get stained. That means I scrub stuff till my hands hurt..maybe that's why I have carpal tunnel. Goodness.

He is constantly moving. My goodness he is like a motor. Brad says he is trying to find the gas and clutch with his feet, because it is crazy. Even when I am holding him. He doesn't just veg out. He is active! Except when tired, he will just lay on me till he is asleep.

He stares at Brad and I, and when we put him down he just watches us wherever we go in the room.

He gets grumpo when he is hungry or tired, or just plain spoiled and wants to be held.

How can I not spoil him? He is my sweet little baby.

I was a judger of people who spoiled their kids.

But now I get it.

You love them too much to not spoil them.

Plus how do you spoil a 4 week old? He's brand new, and doesn't know much about this new world yet. So all he knows is mom's uterus. So mom's breasts are the next best thing. I know that's creepy weirdo, but sometimes he can only sleep if he is nestled on my chest. 

Again and again we are so blessed to have this sweet baby in our lives. We know (Brad knows better than I because of his deep knowledge of embryo development) that it is a complete miracle that I was able to get pregnant, and that I had no problems, and that this doll came into our lives. And we thank God every single night in our prayers.

Finding Myself

As most of you know, Brad and I started a new adventure/chapter of our lives by moving to Lubbock, Texas. Go ahead, google it. Its pretty much in the middle of nowhere. And you probably will only find that there is prairie dog town here, and the most restaurants out of any other city.
Also, you will find that there is a medical school here, which is why we moved here. Texas Tech Health Sciences has us.
My husband, Brad, who is the love of my life, is in medical school here.
When we were both in undergrad, we talked about this chapter of our lives, how we couldn't wait to get here, how we were so excited for when he would be in medical school.

Now we are here, and its been a huge change, and we have met some really great people who I know will become our lifelong friends. But I think I have gone through some of my hardest challenges while we have been here. And I felt like this was really personal stuff I am about to share, and I thought, gosh why would I ever post it on my blog? Why! That's crazy, I only joke about stuff that is personal, and share it when its happy and positive. But then I kept thinking, I need to share this experience or experiences I have had. Then I kept feeling that way, and kept putting it off, now I am doing it, and I finally realized I am doing it not for me, but for someone else. Somebody else maybe needs what I am about to write. And if it isn't you then you get to enjoy my personal experience and get to know me and my family a little better. But if it is you, and you are the one who needs this, or it brings you to some realization then I'm so glad that I put my life out there for the entire world to read if they found it.

So it started with us moving here. I stopped teaching Kindergarten. Which may seem minuscule to some of you, but I felt important everyday. I felt loved by 45 kids everyday. I felt like I was achieving something when a little boy went from knowing 4 uppercase, 2 lowercase, and no sounds to knowing 14 uppercase, 13 lowercase and 20 sounds in a few months. I could scream on the mountains I was so happy for him, and I was helping people. I was building relationships and I had a career. I was busy, and I developed curriculum and was constantly contributing to my team and I felt needed.

So being here I have felt that maybe I need to go back to work, but I have a baby, how could I juggle that?? So I constantly look for jobs, and then just don't know what to do. Confused.

I also left my family. I lived with my sister Sally. For 2 years she lived with Brad and I. I felt like I could help her out with her living situation and she didn't have to pay as much rent, and she liked living with me. And that is a story in and of itself, but basically every time she could have moved out, I just didn't want her to, so she didn't. So I had my sister/best friend with me all the time. Sally knew I was pregnant before I did. I told her I missed my period and I am sure she screamed, and I just said, "Well its only been 2 days, I'm not for sure."
She didn't care, she knew I was. And she went through that pregnancy with me. She watched me puke, she had to put her orange peels in a ziploc before she threw them away because I puked at the smell of orange peels, she put up with me just freaking out when she cooked because I threw up, and she didn't turn on the smell cancel outter. Whatever thats called. Can't think of its name at the moment. Odor neutralizer! Got it.

And now she's many miles away. Which is ironic that I named my child Miles. (Or should I say Brad named OUR child Miles). Miles is miles away. Not just from Sally, but from all my siblings, and all of Brad's family. And he's getting so big, and they are missing it. So that makes me sad inside. It makes me sad until that feeling comes up in your heart and chest and throat and then tears start to come out of your eyes sad.

And I moved here 8 months pregnant. That was really hard, because it was hot, I had to unpack, and Brad was gone everyday. Then I accomplished this feat which many women do, and had a baby. And that was the most challenging and beautiful moment in my life. So I have felt all over the place. Job-Family-I know I'm supposed to be here and be a good mom, and I have been dealing with that and trying to find my place here.

But a few nights ago, I just didn't feel right. I may have had some onset of postpartum or some kind of lack of spirituality. But either way, I didn't know what to do. I said many prayers throughout the day and felt nothing. Sometimes I have prayed and this overwhelming feeling comes over me, and it just is a feeling of peace. But I tried several times and it wouldn't come. So this made me so scared. And I don't know if everyone who reads my blog is LDS (from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), but if you are or aren't, I couldn't turn to the one thing that normally helps me, so I just knew I needed a priesthood blessing. In our church the men hold the priesthood, and it is a power from God. It sounds silly saying it like that, because I have the upmost respect for it, and I don't take it lightly. In fact, I have rarely asked Brad for a blessing because I don't feel that my situation is dire enough for a blessing. I think he has only given me 3 up to this point actually.

Once when I was so ill and needed my wisdom tooth out because it had gotten infected, once when I was extremely sick being pregnant I think..., and then right before my due date to calm my nerves. And maybe one or two I missed because I have the worst memory in the world. But, the priesthood is a power the men hold and anyone can ask a man worthy that holds the priesthood for a blessing. So when I asked Brad as he cuddled up next to me repeatedly asking what was wrong I think he was in shock. He started to ask me why, and I didn't really know why, I just sputtered several responses and gave him probably no guidance of how to help me.
I then said, "You are trying to talk me out of getting a blessing because you think its dumb that I feel like I need one."
He said, "No I'm just trying to understand you better."
I gave him little to no more information and he said, "Okay babes, sit on the edge of the bed."

Then I said a quick prayer that he would receive the proper revelation and be able to be an instrument for the Lord to help me.
Now I'm not a huge vocalizer of what I believe, and shame on me for that. So that is part of the reason I am putting this in cyber world. This is my way of spreading what I believe, and how the priesthood has helped me in my life, and I hope this can help any struggling moms out there.

He went on to bless me for many things, but there is a few that struck me as amazing. Maybe just hearing it so specifically to me is what made the difference, but he told me my most important duty was to protect Miles. He said, or rather God said, "Miles loves you, and recognizes you as his mother."
That shook my soul. I know my baby loves me, or did I? But then it made me feel it all over. Miles was my baby before this life, and its my job to protect him.
Then the blessing went on to say that it is my most important job to help him and my family return to live with God again in the Celestial Kingdom.
Wow. Brad didn't know that I was toying with the idea of going back to work. Now I know what my job is, my most important job. God knows what I need to hear. The blessing went on to say, that I need to use my skills to be a mother, and Miles needs me.
What an amazing duty, to be a mother to your children. I think it is taken lightly, and this is what made me so in awe at this blessing. God, our supreme almighty God, wants us to be mothers, and he knows that is the most important thing we can do on this Earth and in this life. And those who aren't able to have children, there is a reason for it, and only God knows that reason, but surely you will have that joy in the next life if you are righteous and have that desire. But those people are still mothers, to those around them, and those who are blessed to have children are mothers as well, and have this sacred duty to raise and bring their child up in righteousness.

That is so powerful to me, to know that I have this responsibility that is greater than any other responsibility, and I know that without a doubt the family is a very important unit in our society. And we as parents have to protect that unit, and protect our children. What greater calling can a man or woman have? Our children are the future and we want them to be great individuals to make the world a better place. What an important responsibility. I probably knew this was what I was supposed to be doing before, but this blessing really....well stuck it to me. Brittany, you are a mother now, and that is your responsibility and it is important and you are important. I needed to hear those things, and I needed it to be from God, Brad has told me several times, but this time he was the vocal piece for God and it was the most spiritual experience for me.

I also know that Satan is powerful, and he is able to whisper horrible things into strong women and men, and it can make them feel weak and worthless. But, all we can do is use what God has given us here, use the priesthood, and use the scriptures to be stronger than those whisperings.
The blessing also said that I have the spirit with me. The spirit of God, like a fire is burning. And I can use it and it is here to help me, in all my tasks, even tasks that seem mundane. It is my constant guide.

Now whether you are Mormon or not, you are important, and you have a purpose in life. It may not be to be a mother to several children, but your purpose is important or you wouldn't be here. Small coincidences happen, but I think they happen for a reason.

This blessing made me realize, I am in Lubbock for a reason, and I didn't just meet Brad by chance, he was meant for me, and Miles was meant for us. We are all here to learn and become better, but we need to remember God is here too. Thats what this blessing reminded me. Now like I said, this is ultra over the top personal, and I probably am going way over the top with my feelings. But I felt I should for some odd reason, and now that I have done it, I hope it helped someone out there in cyber, and hey maybe even a few of my friends.

While I'm on the topic, this is a talk that helped me realize so much in my life.
BY PRESIDENT DIETER F. UCHTDORF

In Recovery

See I'm supposed to recover for 6 weeks. What does that mean???
Sit at home and take  naps with my baby?
Never leave the house?
Not make meals?
Does it mean wear pjs all day?
Play with baby?
Lay in bed?
Stay in bed and watch shows and movies?


Well if that is what I am supposed to do then I'm doing it folks.

Brad's mom, and two sisters Linds and Chelsea came for a few days. 

We shopped ate out, and went to the fair.

They bought tickets to ride the rides. I told them, I'm good I just had a baby a few days ago, I'll just stay right here with the baby.

But Brad insisted I go.

It was a beautiful fair.

Full of treasures for people.

Ranging from all leather to feathers and belly shirts and carnie friends.

Brad kept calling everyone a carnie.

Well they were smoking while handing the kids the prizes and helping them on the rides....

I thought that was crazy.

All that fried food, foot long corn dogs on a stick.

Yum!

We got a funnel cake.

Miles just soaked up the carnie experience. He slept the entire time in his stroller. He is so little compared to our giant off-roading stroller. 

I took two pictures then my camera died.

Super prepared ya know.

I say to people when something is going wrong....

like when I spend 10 minutes trying to put my stroller down to go in my trunk,

or when I run back into my house for the bink, blanket, socks, diapers, wipes, camera, phone, wallet, D-bag (diaper bag, come on you guys I don't have a d-bag in my house), or whatever other random thing I forgot (probably forgot to put on makeup) I say, "Okay, we still are new at this whole parents thing."

Sometimes its cute how all over the place Brad and I get.

He is so helpful and nice and loves Miles to pieces.

He always said before we got married and after we were married and clear up until delivery....

"I do NOT want to change diapers."

"Weird and gross."

Now I hear, "I'll change him!"

He just didn't know how much he was going to love him.

Like I said, camera dead....I love my camera phone though. Saves my life.

Chels, Linds and Brad waiting in line for a ride.

Brad and I about to experience the ride.

It was one of those spinner things. Brad and I sat next to each other.

It was fun the first 3 minutes.

Then my eyes started to shut and my head started to droop, and I just started thinking about us flying off and dying. Then my head kept drooping and I heard Brad stop laughing and start saying,"Brit stay with me, Brit talk to me."

"Brit hold on, Brit look at me."

I kept trying to pull my head back up but it felt like a hammer was on my head pushing into my neck and I felt dark kept coming but I kept opening my eyes.

He was squeezing my arm so hard it hurt. But I couldn't tell him, I couldn't even open my eyes and it wasn't fun anymore, next thing I know I'm crying. And he is saying, "You're okay, you're okay."

Then as we walked off he wouldn't let go of my arm, which was a good thing.

We decided that may have been too intense for me after childbirth. 

I was still in weak body mode. Not strong Brittany mode.

 So I sat out the next ride.

So I wouldn't black out.

We visited a famous place in Lubbock.

Read the sign.

Prairie dog town.

You may be thinking .... what in the world...????

Its a real place.

They were worried about the prairie dogs getting pushed out of Lubbock when they settled here. 

So they build an enclosure and captured some of them.

And from what I can tell...

There were more dogs in other places in Lubbock then this area.

But we are glad we visited.

Miles thought the dogs were cute.

Miles loves being held, but I try not to completely spoil him. But sometimes I will be just looking at him after he eats and I'll rest him on my legs and in two seconds he will be OUT.

Currently I have my computer to the side, he is in this exact position on my legs and he is fighting sleep as we listen to band of horses.

You see, he loves band of horses, hes even been to a concert.

Yes he was a fetus, but he loved it.

Yep, asleep on my legs, now.

Chels loved him. Held him all the time, and begged me to let her hold him when he was sleeping.

I called her the baby whisperer. She took good care of him. And he already misses her.

She would do everything for me, get him dressed, get him in the car, change him, entertain him.

She and him are two peas in a pod.

Rachelle and her had to fight for him.

But he got plenty of Grandma spoiling.

Now its just me and him all day until dad comes home.

I'm not sure why I couldn't hold my eyes open.

We hang out all day, and sometimes I kiss him too many times and he tries to get away.

But luckily I'm bigger so I just keep kissing.

Today he is 20 days old. I don't know why I like 20, I could have waited until tomorrow when he would be 3 weeks old...but I didn't.

We photoshot today.

I can't get enough of him when I get my camera out.

It's like I am in love with him or something.

First of all, I'm still in shock at the fact that he is mine.

And that he is healthy.

We had his two week check up on Monday and he weighed 8-12 and grew 1/2 inch. 21 inches.

I think he has changed so much. Growing up too fast.

The doctor said he was healthy baby, and I could let him sleep through his naps/night and not wake him up to feed him.

Funny thing is...I was doing that. I never wake him up to feed him.

He can sleep 6 hours straight sometimes.

I'm sorry but I am not waking him up to feed him...I've tried that and he just sleeps with my nipple in his mouth, and its a useless effort. So I gave up Doc, long ago. But I pretended I had been waking him up to feed him, and I said, "Oh great okay."

Sometimes I look down at my stinkin belly and I see the hang over and I think, man, I didn't appreciate my flat tummy enough. 

Then I look at him, and I am the most confident person in the world, because you know what...I just had a baby, and this baby is the greatest thing and if I am 15 or even 20 pounds overweight who gives a turd. I love him and he was worth every pound and hang over and stretch mark in the world.

And he is worth waking up so much in the night sometimes to feed him. 

Last night he slept from 11 to 5:30 AM. Then back to sleep at 6:30-9:30 AM

That's better than I used to sleep 9 months prego.

Some nights are real bad though....Like every 2 hours, and he thinks he needs to stay awake.

He has this little problem pooping. He pushes so hard and gets so mad, and his belly is so tight.

The doc said he is still learning to use his pooper muscles.

When he finally relaxes, its like a train wreck.....explosion. 

He just has yellow liquid poo so its not like he is constipated.

Wow, I'm talking about my child's poo.....is that what my life is now?

Baby poo?

Well regardless, you can see his little dimple here. Kinda....He has two dimples, one just like his daddy (even though Brad has two big ones) and one little one by his mouth on the other side.

He's gonna find a girl that loves dimple. Just like I love Brads.

I am kinda sad that my family and Brad's family is missing him growing up.

But they will just appreciate him more when he is around.

This baby is ours, and we love him.

If you haven't experienced a baby yet.....

its time.

That's my new slogan.

Like the church's ad.....isn't it about time......

Something like that.

I just want everyone to be as happy as we are.

But I guess you decide that for yourself.

Now Brad came home early, so I'm outta here and outta my bed and going to pretend to do something besides take pictures of my baby and hold him all day.