I don't know what to say..

I have tried to write this post so many times. . .  I just have so much to say, I don't know what to say.
But today the guilt got to me. And I have not written in any type of journal for over a month. Bad. So here goes a month of happenings.....

I hosted and co-created an all handmade craft fair, we were on the news, a lot of cool websites, and we got a lot of publicity. It was a great success, but so much work. I felt like I was a really busy crazy exhausted person for about 6 weeks. But it felt so great to accomplish something and have fun doing it.

Brad had a test on the Monday after the Boutique, so I basically had to do it alone, and thanks to awesome babysitters, that Miles went to (a lot) we were a success. I think he watched more Baby Einstein that week than any baby has watched in their lifetime. Yikes. My house was a disaster and I ordered pizza way too much. It was a hard week. But rewarding.

But Meanwhile back at the ranch.... (book reference)
Miles has been growing up before our eyes. He does some really cute things. And some really not cute things. I'll make some lists.

Cute things:

• He has been sick for like 3 weeks now, either he keeps reinfecting himself or it is just never ending. So a lot of booger wiping. He came running to me with a kleenex the other day and I wasn't paying attention and all the sudden he is up in my grill wiping my nose with the kleenex.
• Brad told me he picked up the thermometer and put it up to his head. And then walked away like he accomplished something. (Its the head swipe one, and clearly he knows what its for)
• He loves to be chased, and we always say, "I'm gonna get you!" And I was putting decorations back on the tree (he took them off) and I was on my knees, and hadn't even played our chase game that day, and he came up and hit me with both hands on the back, turned around smiling and shrieking running away from me. He's a little ball of energy.
• He runs everywhere. Walking isn't a thing. So that means lots of bruises and bumps. 
• He can throw a ball pretty far, and throws everything.
• If you say, "Can mom have that?" He will hand it to you, but you better get up close because he will probably throw it at you. I have caught our crockpot lid from landing on the tile one too many times. I'm probably going to be buying just the lid soon.
• If he has something he really wants to keep but can't have, he will scream at you when you ask him for it, but he will still throw it at you. 
• He pulls all the books on my bookshelf out everyday, but they are all board books, and all his, but he also sits and reads all day long. His voice does all sorts of ups and downs, and all sorts of babbling. And I know that all my education about exposure to literature is true. He is learning so much about his world through pictures and reading print, he is a synapses making little man all day long.
• If he is crying in his crib in the night or in his nap, and I go in and get him out and hold him, he will lay on my shoulder at first then in his hysteria of crying he will turn and give me a kiss on the lips. And I can just about cry when I think of this one. Its the cutest thing, because he is still crying when he does it, and he keeps crying after he kisses me. Its just so sweet because he knows that he loves me, and even though he is upset he shows me how much he loves me and so glad I came in and got him. Little sweetheart.
• He loves wheels, or anything that spins, so even on car tires, he will try to spin them. Its hilarious. He will flip a car or tractor over and spin the wheels to check out the lubrication, spinning speed, before he drives it. He's very sophisticated. 
• He is kinda shy, but not. Its strange, and sometimes he will not go to anyone else. But sometimes he will go to a random person he doesn't know. So strange. But I love him and all his strangeness. 
• He brushes my hair with my brush, and his hair, which is getting pretty long. We are seeing where the long hair goes..
• He says ya, yep, and whisper ya to anything he wants. When you say 'say please' he says, "YA!" and hits himself for the sign please. When you say, 'do you want more' He says "YA!" And claps for the sign more. 
• He loves his blankie and teddy and binkie. And all the time we find him trying to pull his blanket through the crib railing, grunting and pulling, then yelling for us to come help him.
• He can throw a ball around the room for 30 minutes. He will crawl into all sorts of spaces to get it out from where he threw it. He runs around the room and throws his hands up in the air when he is excited. He claps for himself. Always.
• He loves being chased, and loves being tickled and thrown around on the couches and love sac. He giggles and screams and cannot contain his excitement. 
• He is really good at stacking blocks and he was really terrible at first, but he learns quick, and he loves doing it. (This one is lame, but it is really cute how slow and steady he puts it on top and then slaps his hands on his legs because he is excited)

Not Cute Things: (But somehow still kinda cute)

• He takes the remote and somehow puts locks on some of our channels. 
• He gets pretty angry when something does not go right. Like when he can't open something, put something back together (this little egg we have) and he clenches his fists and growls....and sometimes screams. Its really cute, but also a challenge to discipline. Usually I just talk to him about it. He may catch what I am saying one day.
• When someone takes his toy, he doesn't really hit them, if they are his size he just grabs their shirt and turns them where he wants them, then takes it back. And sometimes that little person ends up on the floor. Miles usually wins, he is pretty dedicated and feisty. But he doesn't throw fits, and if he wants something, he will scream, but you can throw a ball at him and he will forget about it, reminds me of a little puppy. Easily distracted.
• He opens and closes the cupboards all day, he mostly likes the sound when they slam, but sometimes he takes stuff out and brings it to me, and sometimes he throws it and I catch it just in time. Crockpot lid.
• He loves flushing toilets, and unrolling toilet paper rolls. I will be going to the bathroom and he will just come right over and flush the toilet 20 times while I am going. Also, I have yet to use toilet paper fresh off the roll in the past 3 months. Its usually covered in dust, and hair because I pick it up off our bathroom floor and cluster it in a big huge pom pom ball and put it in the basket on our toilet, and use it. Sometimes when I get ready....unrolling that toilet paper roll is just the right amount of time for me to get ready.
• Turns off and on the TV endlessly. Its always in a different language.
• Mouth, he still puts things in his mouth. Everything. I am so done with it. I am always saying, "What is in your mouth?" And he will throw it at me as he runs away, because he knows he shouldn't have it, and will usually scream as he does that. Just so I know he is not happy with my enforcing of the mouth rule.

Brad is doing well in school, and we just found out he can take the test early in 2 weeks, so we can come a day early, our friend is getting married, and we were going to have to drive through the night.  (RUN ON SENTENCE-YIKES) Phew for Brad, me...I would have just slept and kept Miles happy the entire time. Brad never lets me/wants me to drive. I am a fall asleeper while driving. So its a protective measure. 

I have officially decorated for Christmas for the first time ever! !!!!! Besides the tree. It was a fun endeavor and I have never gotten into decorating before, didn't own any nativities, but this year was different, I don't know why, I got into it. I want Miles to remember our decorations. He actually picked out our nativity today. We held two in front of him, because we couldn't decide, and...he just reached out and grabbed one, so we knew that was the one, and we went with it. He chose it and it was a family affair. I think our decorations will be special as our house expands, we will say, "Oh remember that is when we lived in Lubbock." (Providing we move away from here LOL) I guess we could say, that was when we were in med school and had no money, and you kept buying random Christmas decorations. I go in and out of frugal stages. I am always frugal, but sometimes I really won't buy anything unless it is an absolute need. Like not even one extra banana. Then other times I am like-freak I don't care I'm sick of stressing myself out to the max and not buying anything and being a cheap bum.

So then I throw in some kleenex brand kleenexes instead of the no name, and I throw in actual ziplocks, not the walmart brand. Then I think about returning them because I spent 2.00 more than I 'could have' spent. Guh. Its a terrible cycle to be in. But, its working out. And somehow it will always work out, it always does. And I am grateful for this stage of life, because we are so blessed with so much, and its good to be frugal and conservative, and not wasteful. I save all my boxes, and you know what...sometimes I use them. Ha! We also never turn the heat on. So Miles and I dress in very warm clothes all the time at home, then I am going crazy because I don't want to leave the couch under the blanket because I am so cold, then I decide to turn it on 67. Ha, but its kinda fun to be poor, kinda fun to budget and be concerned like we are adults or something. 

It brings us closer together too, we find fun things to do that cost very little. And, we bond because usually its a challenge. Drive in movie-double feature with a 14 month old until 1 AM. We really should just pay a babysitter and go to a real movie theater. But then......its not $5 a person, and we get 2 movies for the price of one. So, $10 and a fun date compared to $30-40 dollars for movie and babysitter.

I try to do anything I can to earn extra $$, I am always selling stuff online, and I teach preschool 2xs a week with a friend, and I did the Backyard Boutique which brought in some cash, and I have cleaned, babysat houses, consigned my stuff and done a number of strange things to make extra cash.

Since I haven't posted for so long, I could really overload with pictures, but since my IPHOTO is full....ya really bad, and I just cleaned off 23 GB onto my hard drive....and my photos still won't load off my IPHONE, which is also full of pictures......this post is pictureless....

So enjoy my words. Stay tuned for pictures :)

Caprock Canyon with Buffalo

We debated back and forth whether or not to go on the ward campout. We have a baby who is quite active, and runs away with no care in the world where his parents are. I mean if he sees us, he loves us, smiles and runs to us and wants us to pick him up. But you wouldn't know that he did love us by his running. Also, he is a good sleeper, but he has to be alone, he won't fall asleep in my arms at church. He barely falls asleep in cars, and mostly he just needs to be alone. So this whole tent thing was going to be tricky.

We arrived at the site with only a few minor problems, Siri took us to the sand dunes, where we got stuck and a family who timed it perfectly that day to leave their campsite and go see where they had gotten stuck the night before... and they helped us get unstuck.

Its the small miracles.

We thought we had my tent here, which is a four man, but we had Brad's sister's tent, which we took a gamble that it would be a four man...nope 2 man. So the pack and play idea was out. 

Camping just got real.

No pack n play. So we had a rollie pollie with us all night. I made him a bed, put 4 layers on him, but it was in the 40s and he doesn't keep a blanket on him, so I put him next to me, keep the little monkey warm. Basically he took up the entire air mattress, because everytime I tried to scoot him over, he cried, so I just stopped moving him in the night. Brad and I shared less than half of the air mattress, and Miles mostly slept using my stomach as a pillow, and Brad kept pulling the blanket up over us, and I kept pulling it down because it was over Miles head. My shoulders were chronically cold. And my boob not to mention...because I'm still nursing, and since we didn't want to wake up the entire campground IE our ward, I just basically nursed him all night. 

If a picture is worth 1000 words, or what our night was like... Here it is. But somehow he wakes up happy as a lark.

Three is definitely a crowd.

Especially when the 3rd is an overactive toddler.

Who is hot and cold with his happiness.

And, his favorite thing to do was just explore and pick up all the rocks and sticks-and lick them of course.

It was a chilly morning!

But so beautiful.

We sat around the warm fire when we woke up.

We stayed around the fire, until I took the trek to the bathrooms to get Miles in a new diaper and relieve myself. You see, it was quite a hike to the potty, and I did pee in the bushes a few times to avoid that trek.

We enjoyed sitting around the fire, watching the buffalo across the lake.

Miles never enjoys sitting.

On our way back from the bathroom we took pictures by the lake.

It really was so pretty.

A nice escape from Lubbock.

We talked about Brad's picture taking skills after this...how somehow he managed to get the light in every picture.

And he didn't even notice it was ruining the natural beauty.

But the point is, we documented, light and all.

We loved it. It was such a nice break from the hustle and bustle.

We need these breaks.

Here we switched, and after a picture I noticed the light..

So I tried again, but dang, the light still made the pic :)

It was hard to see the screen in the blaring light-

Aside from Brad's eyes, I love this pic.

We love the outdoors.

And grabbing things..

If Brad were to drop him, it would not be in water...surprisingly the dock was not over the water. 

I always wonder what he is thinking. He is probably like a puppy. I wanna lick I wanna lick I wanna bite I wanna bite....but sometimes I think he knows....he knows how to act. So I like to think he has deeper thinking than that.

After all...

Its moments like these that may seem simple to the eye, but in these moments I get all giddy and cannot contain the love that fills inside of me. The love for these two, its the thing that gets me up in the morning, and it keeps me real. It keeps me happy.

I am so grateful for these two. In so many ways. I am grateful for Miles, because he is making me a better person, making me care about things that are really important, taught me how to love deeper and stronger, and teaching me the importance and reality of eternal families. He is teaching me that small things bring joy, like the sound of ripping tape, and the sound of the knife hitting the cutting board while cutting carrots. He has brought happiness into my life, and been my little companion during this difficult time of medical school away from our family and loved ones. He loves me and forgives me instantly (please last forever) and his kisses and hugs are worth every pain I have ever suffered. I am grateful for Brad, that he is such a dedicated hard worker, and that he cares about his life path, and he wants to be the best he can be, and that even though he has difficult tasks at hand, he stays calm and collective, and he continues to be diligent and accomplishes the task at hand.  

He just mentioned to me that he wants to do his best in this current class, and he is scared that he won't receive the highest grade because it is so difficult, but he then said, "I'll only be mad at myself if I didn't do my best." Then I thought, wow that is such a great way to look at life. If we all do our best and still fall short, we have to know that we did our best, and sometimes winning, or becoming valedictorian, or whatever trophy wasn't our path, but yet the journey was our true purpose. Not saying the grade isn't important, but yet, doing our best is most important.

Now that I have gotten all deep, lets switch gears and watch Miles try to get out of the tent. He is so graceful.

It was quite painful to watch him. He would try to walk out, but then would just end up tripping, and falling on his face. Then be all tangled. He would pull his legs, but the tent kept bending and he could never get them over.

And the tent kept giving and he kept squiggling out of there..

And once he was out, he was free as a bird.

He thought he was the coolest, and just escaped with no turning back.

I took lots of pictures of him trying to get out because it really was funny to me.

It took him at least 2 minutes everytime. Best part is...he didn't even whine or cry, he just kept grunting and pushing and grunting knowing that the end was near.

Wow, hows that for a scenery shot? There are buffalo in that picture-I promise.

Oh thats a little better.....I promise we saw buffalo.

And to finish with my favorite picture of the trip. This baby bear who although was a complete whirlwind in our freezing cold night-loved every minute of his first camping trip.

Thank you Caprock Canyon for reminding us of the beauty of this earth, and bringing us back to reality. 

That even if we lived in a tent, and froze every night, and ate only smores (due to us not being smart enough to bring anything to eat for dinner-and thankfully being saved by a kind souls spare tin foil dinner) family, is the only thing that really matters.

Palo Duro Canyon

We decided to drive to Amarillo (2 hours) because Brad had a break between his two block classes. He has 2 classes per semester, and they had a week long break where they learned stuff that they didn't need to study for, just protocol stuff I guess (I don't really know because I didn't go). 

So we went on a Tuesday, and it was nice because we were all alone on the trail aside from one serious hiking elderly couple. It wasn't Zions but its the best we have! Brad agreed to carry the pack of all our cargo-Miles included. Miles pretty much was miserable-hot and and kept whining and groaning-and sometimes full on crying.

We thought he would take a great nap in the car on the way to Amarillo so we drove during his nap time. Of course he didn't sleep much, and so hence our whiney pants.

Oh my gosh, this picture is with my cell phone, and no filter, I can't believe how blue the sky is. It looks like a green screen for sure.

I would feed Miles on the go, including dumping water on him. If you didn't know this about babies, I will tell you-they cannot regulate their temperature like a normal human. So, that means you have to dump water on them when its kinda hot, and dress them extra warm when its a little bit chilly. 

Brad was completely soaking wet in sweat by the time we were done, it was like 98 or something, we went at the hottest time of the day, but don't worry, we went canyoneering in Fat Man's Misery, where we ran out of water because my camelback leaked out all over my back in the first hour. And so Brad and I were sharing his small camelback over a 10 hour 100 degree weather-no shade period. Everyone else ran out of water too, because the prepared ones had to share with the unprepared ones. I drank an entire hot water bottle when we got done. So we didn't want to make that mistake again. 

And we didn't-we had like 4 bottles left over, because this hike was only 3.5 miles or something.

We decided we wanted to go up the steep part so we could actually see the main attraction.

It was really not the best for a baby in a pack-but we accomplished it with no injuries.

Brad took a rest, as we looked at the impressive lighthouse.

It was kinda disappointing, but its like giving someone who has had a 5 star feast, a measly stale roll. 

We did love seeing a piece of canyon in flat Texas.

Does Miles look like a girl in this hat? We were going for most coverage, and he wouldn't wear it most of the time, it made his head so sweaty, but the pale little thing burns if he gets one drop of sun.

I promise there are pictures of me, but they are on Brad's phone.

Panoramic view. LOL its terrible.

Miles looked like he was going to just dump right out on the downhill. He was clutching the pack so tight.

We kinda felt more at home in this canyon. It was such a good bonding experience for Brad and I. At one point he asked me to do impressions of people, I couldn't come up with any, so he spewed out a few, mostly all hilarious. Probably not you, he didn't target blog readers.  

I followed behind Brad, for some reason he felt the need to take his extremely long legs and walk so fast. I really had to jog next to him to keep up. At one point we did jog together. Miles really liked that.

Here I am! I made the picture! At the end we let Miles get out and walk. He wanted to touch and grab everything. 

Brad has been talking about this food place for so long. It was on Man vs. Food. And Man vs. Food has taken us to many places. Coyote Bluff Cafe. Darn show, but it doesn't disappoint. This was the chili cheese fries- I normally don't like them, but these were just fries with cheese and green chilies on top. So they were good, and I was starving, because Brad always wants to 'save up' for good eating places-and I am not a save upper. Because I don't think I eat my body's weight in one sitting, never not ever. Even starving I ate half of my hamburger. Although Miles was freaking out, due to no nap, an extremely hot hike and it was like 8 PM. Bedtime! And they had no high chairs-so he was on my lap the entire time. 

Which if you know Miles, he doesn't rest easy when there are things to grab and see. 

So I left early to the car while Brad finished up.

Somehow after all that food we got ice cream, because it sounded cold and good, we only ate like half of ours. 

Miles and I konked out quickly as soon as we got in the car-so tired. 

Such a fun mini vacation for us. I loved the alone time with Brad, and I came up with this great idea for struggling couples. Put them on a 4 hour hike together, with no cell phones, and make them talk to each other- or better yet a camping trip with no connection to the outside world. That would for sure make or break their marriage. I just think alone time aside from the hustle and bustle is really rejuvenating for ones soul.

Now I'll get to do that again when we go on the ward campout! To a different canyon!