Friday, February 15, 2013

Miles 5 Months

We have hit all sorts of MILEStones. 
Get up on hands and knees from belly.
Tried Rice Cereal: Weird and Yuck.
Still peeing on mom when she changes me.
Loves plastic bags: especially chip bags, and wipe bags.
Chews on anything within reach, including toes and Mom and Dad.
Got mom out of a speeding ticket.
Coos and talks like he is saying something, most frequently it sounds like 'hot dog'.
Loves the 5 little duck song, and smiles and smiles when we sing it. (It's a bathtime song and when he is crying and we are desperate song).
Loves The Duck Song on You Tube, and he watches it OVER and OVER again when Mom and Dad try to stay out on the town past 8, and we pay for it by his cries. So tired.

He loves Daddy, and loves playing with daddy, their favorite games are:

Miles stands up on Brad while he is laying down and Brad says, "Ready.." Then lets go of him and he tips over and Brad catches him right before he hits the ground. Awesome game for Mom's nerves.

Daddy holds Miles up above his head and then opens his mouth and bite tickles him all over and Miles tenses up and grunts and screams and laughs.

Daddy plays the piano and guitar in the music room, and Miles sits in his bumbo and chews on the guitar cord and just listens and bonds.

Watching TV with Daddy is another favorite. 

Miles loves to take baths and he can be starving and so tired and we put him in the tub and he is happy as a lark. He takes baths with Mommy and Mommy holds him and he jumps and kicks and splashes and giggles. He loves all rubber duckies and especially loves to chew on their bills. He will cry the minute you take him out of the tub. He has done that since he was a month old! 
He loves a jumparoo we borrowed, and can play in that for so long. He loves sitting on the rug while mom cleans or cooks and plays with all his toys. By play I mean, chew and suck and drool all over the toys.

Ready for a picture overload.

I have a hard time believing my little man is 5 months old. I know that's nothing in the scheme of life, but this first year is so exciting and changing that it is hard to capture every little moment.

But I am trying so hard. I want so bad to remember every little thing he does that is adorable. I love this stage. I love how he can sit and play with toys all day, or go in his jumparoo.

He doesn't cuddle though. Only when he is sleeping.

Sometimes in the night I will just hold him and hold him while he is sleeping on me.

I try to be a good mom and not let him sleep with me.
But sometimes I am too in love with him and just want him to cuddle with me.

Some nights he is a good sleeper.

But his personality would be one that needs to eat and be involved, so obviously we are going to be up in the night. So some nights we are up once or twice.

I'm the kinda mom that does whatever I want but secretly I feel bad about it.

Some of our friends here have questioned some of our parenting choices.

Dumb stuff, like what time we put him to bed, and that he still sleeps in our room.

What I really want to say to them is bleep off. But instead I try to make reasons for why I do what I do.
And the truth is, I love my baby, I take care of my baby, so anything else should be between my husband and I. I'll say that next time.

My beautiful perfect mom friend Heather is always my one I turn to in distress.
She lives in Dallas which is too far away, but I always text her to make sure what I am doing isn't as outlandish as so and so thinks it is.
And she always reassures me.
She is the kinda person that doesn't get stretch marks when she has a baby, you know those kind that cook perfect cookies and dress perfectly all the time, but still don't think they are perfect. That's her, and I am glad she went first so she could pull me through this motherhood in the 2013s thing.

My mom is the other extreme, she did whatever she wanted and didn't care what people said or thought. And she had 16, so she could.

But I am the kind of person that cares too much about what other people think.

I love being a mom, and you hear that all the time but what it really means is that sometimes in the day I will be doing something super romantic and wonderful like changing my baby's diaper and he pees all over my face and the wall and his clothes I was just about to put on him, and I will realize that he is mine. My body grew him inside of me by the grace and miracle of God, and he is my genetics and I have a child. In those moments my heart drops a little and I remember dreaming of this time in my life when I was in college, wishing I would have a wonderful husband and wonderful children.

Now its here and will be gone before I know it. But all this while I am trying to do my best and trying to be my best, but yet...worrying what other people think along the way. Why is that human nature?
Why can't everyone just be happy with what they are doing, and not need any reassurance from the outside world that what they are doing is the right way?

My goodness I would be so much happier if I could just erase my worry.

Its a huge problem I have. A worrier. 

I am working so hard to be that mom that can do it all.

But the fact is....nobody can do it all without help.

And I am trying to realize that, without making excuses of why I didn't do this, or did this.
Just living my life and not worrying about having to have a reason for everything.
I do this because I like it this way.
Miles is my baby, and I will be his mom and make decisions as his mom. And stranger danger to anyone who tries to tell me what to do, or what their kids did and how it is better than my way.

My life: My choices kinda thing.

Being in Lubbock is such a good trial and challenge for me.

A challenge and trial to be happy every day.
To make lasting friendships here.
To embrace differences in people.

This past week was really hard for me.
The week before that was so easy.

It's strange how some weeks I will love it here, love life, and couldn't be happier.

Then I feel like all I need is my sisters and my brothers and my family. Miles needs his Grandmas and Grandpas. Brad and I are the only ones who have that family love for him here. We are the only ones that love to have and hold him here. When family is around they fight over him. I guess thats the joy in going home, but man sometimes its hard.

Sometimes when Brad is at school I have done the dishes, laundry, cleaned, cooked and I'm starting the repeat process and I just start to cry and miss those moments where Sally and I could just talk about stuff while we were cooking. I miss all the family get togethers.

I miss knowing that if my little brothers have a bball game I can make the quick trip to see the game.

Homesick. It's a B.

But its a challenge, and I love my husband and knew this was coming, couldn't wait for this to come actually! I never was one of those BYU Provo haters. I liked BYU, loved it for that matter, and loved Provo. I was a BYU operator, so I have a sense of pride for BYU. I stood up for BYU when BYU haters called the university. BYU is my blood. So ya, sue me if I miss the Provo world. 

But there are things that I LOVE about Lubbock too.
I love that not everyone is Mormon here, and whoever is Mormon we are friends no matter our differences.
 I love that. I love that we are closer to 'real' life than we were in Provo.
And I love all my new friends.
But needless to say, life is going to be hard no matter where we are. Life isn't hard here, just lonely at times. And its not like I am reclusive, I go out and I have many good friends, but family never can be replaced. Friends cannot be replaced, and my heart misses them.
Now that I have turned this post about Miles about me, lets transition back.
The photo shoot was beginning to wear him out. He started to get extra hungry this morning.
So I took advantage of these faces.
Gotta remember them.
Gotta remember that life wasn't all smiles.

Mom gets boogers out of my nose sometimes and it makes me so sad.
When she sprays saline mist up my nose it also makes me pretty sad.
Or when she makes me get out of the tub, or when she makes me put clothes on when I am tired.
Or sometimes she takes away the duck song before I am done and then I throw the biggest tantrum ever by arching my back and screaming, and even when she gives it back I am still too mad to watch it.
First tantrum was an achievement this past month. First of many I'm sure.
So this is pre feeding pictures of sad Miles.

So I cry and cry and lean over and chew on my feet when I am sad.

Sometimes Mom just doesn't understand and sometimes she loves watching my sad face, but it breaks her heart at the same time. 
 Now here we are again post feeding, happy as a lark.
When he gets excited he starts kicking his legs, breathing so fast and his arms go out like seen above and he starts shaking. Usually its because mom or dad have walked into the room after a prolonged absence, a new toy is put in front of him, The Duck Song is on, 5 little ducks is being sung to him, or he is about ready to eat.
Somebody tell me why Burt's Bees makes children's clothing?
I don't know but I discovered it and you can just pinch me over and over again these pants make me crazy. Talk about perfect. So soft and striped, and they have feet holders, so Mr. Miles no matter how many times and how hard he kicks he cannot remove his socks.

Miles is all wiggles.
He doesn't just chill on your lap. He is turning and going and standing and leaning and grabbing and it almost makes you crazy.

I think my arms are in better shape now. My active baby is going to be a handful when he can move around the room.
I'm already planning on getting gates and just keeping him in the front room in order to have any sanity in our house. He is just a busy bee now...what will he be when he crawls.

He has officially moved to his crib for all naps. And he sleeps well in there.
I'm not ready for him to move in there permanently. And the old me would give reasons why, but the new me leaves it at that. That's my mom choice and I like it that way.

He has some pox scars. Under the lips, and above the eye. Some on the head but his hair will probably cover those.

His eyes are blue, but not blue enough to pierce you like his stares do.

He loves sucking his bottom lip, and its his new binkie. Binkie is pretty much just at night now...he actually falls asleep most of the time without it, but sometimes he likes a good suck.
I wake up in the night and he is sucking his tongue and it is poking out-so he has binkie replacements.
He sleeps with the blanket over his head.
No matter how many times I pull it down, tuck it under his sides and put his arms over it. He will pull it up over his head. I don't know why I am questioning why he likes this, because thats how I sleep too, but it worries a worried mama.

He has started talking himself to sleep and it about kills me to not go in there get him out and play with him and kiss him all over. 

This paper 5 was too exciting to not touch and pull to our mouth, but somehow I got a few pictures with it before he grabbed it and had it in his mouth.

Miles, you are my first baby. You are so special and sweet. I love so many things about you and this month I love: your muscular arms, your drooly lips, your curiousity, your big mouthed smile, your squinty eyes when you smile, how you dive at me when you are hungry, how you put your hand in my mouth and I bite it and you pull it out again and smile, and do that over and over again when you are eating, how you whip your head around so fast when you hear anything plastic crumbling, how you do the sad lip that quivers, how you grab at everything including daddy's chest hair, how you suck your bottom lip, how you love taking baths with mommy, how you coo and talk all the time, how you breathe really fast all the time, how you just started grabbing your boy parts when you have no diaper.
Mr. Miles, you are my baby boo. Happy five months. Maybe an achievement next month will be hair.


Justin and Carissa said...

Okay, you gave me way too much here to comment on. This would be good discussion for about 2 or more hours. I feel like I never see you anymore. But let's start with Miles. He is so adorable and I cannot believe he is 5 months old. That flew by. I don't think my babies grew that feels slower when you are living the sleepless nights and peed on days : ) But really, I am so excited to watch him tomorrow.
And I think you hit it right on the head about motherhood: doing whatever you want but feeling guilty for it. Why do we do that to ourselves? Just keep doing whatever you want, the rest of us are trying to figure things out ourselves too. If there is one thing I have learned in my 3 short years as a mother it is that every mom does it different, and every kid is different. And that is okay!
Should I keep going? Funny thing is I had a great week last week and a really tough this week too. I wonder what was in the water? Anyways, I will stop this novel of comment. I always love reading your thoughts.

Erica Tanner said...

The duck song is the best. We have shown that to our nephew and he likes it. So funny. he also likes the elephant song. Kind of cool. And Miles is adorable!