Police Beat

Now I work for BYU and I have been here in this secretive work place since 6AM. Well...this morning when I opened the newspaper, which is called the a name I dont want people at byu to search the newspaper and find my blog so for the sake of this i am going to type it with spaces. dont be annoyed. d a i l y u n i v e r s e. Okay so this happened. Me opening the newspaper. I thought I would share todays 'police beat' These are the things that happen on campus in which are reported to the police. Then the police give them to the du to print. im sure they give their most exciting ones. Remember this is my college/university. BYU.

NUISANCE
SEPT 11: BYU police received a phone call complaining of a band playing music too loudly at 10:30 PM in the Foreign Language Housing. The police arrived and the band was quiet.

my notes: of course the band was quiet, i wonder what language they spoke

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
SEPT 12: A custodian reported screaming near the MCKB at 4 a.m. The screams were later discovered to have come from a female student sprayed by a sidewalk sprinkler.

my notes:a sprinkler? how devastating did those screams sound in order to call the police?

SEPT 13: Police responded to a call reporting suspicious characters at the construction site on the south end of campus. Upon arrival, the suspects were discovered to be construction workers.

my notes:I wonder if the police told the Construction workers that somebody was reporting them as 'suspicious'

SEPT 14: Concerned residents reported a suspicious male student in Helaman Halls at 1:30 AM. The student was knocking on the ground level windows of John Hall and then holding a cardboard mask up to the windows. When the police arrived the suspect had fled.

my notes: What mask did he have? Why John Hall and not Stover, or Merril, or Taylor? Why the freshman?

CRIMINAL MISCHIEF
SEPT 13: Some people at Wyview Park were shooting off fireworks when they started a fire in the bushes and a resident had to smother the fire with a fire extinguisher. A suspect wearing a white hoodie was seen in the bushes and is believed to be involved.

my notes: Im quoting my coworker Boy Kelly on this one: 'when i read this, a cartoon image comes to my head.'

Now I apologize if any of you did not find this funny. I am not making fun of my university. I am just talking about things that are actually reported to the police. Something to consider: Other colleges have real theft and real problems...do we? or are we just reporting the small stuff to show how wonderfully Mormon we are? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm