Baby!!

I guess I'm overdue for this one. But! Nonetheless. Nonetheless. My sister Tosha had her second baby. Yahoo for babies!!

She probably doesn't want the blogging world to know how she had it. Maybe I will tell the experience later down the road when A.E.A isn't so young. When she is 12. Then I'll blog about it.

By then I will probably forget. Does A. know how she was born. Nope, probably not.

Whats her name??
A.E.A.

I like the sound of that.

Ashtyn Elizabeth Arnout.

Gosh.

Sounds nice.

Tosha had her baby Ashtyn on the fourth of JULY!

jk

she had it on June 10, 2009.

I thought maybe if I lied about when she was born, I wouldn't look so bad because I bloooooooooged about it so late.

But then I realized there is this thing called integrity and a sister who would call me and say this to me.

"Nice of you to blog about Ashtyn. But you got the date all wrong. How could you have even been there on July 4, you were on a beach, in California."


I remember the day.
Brad, Tosha had her baby, lets go to Midway.-Brittany
Okay.-Brad
Are you sure its okay?-Brittany
Ya sounds good.-Brad
Well we don't have to.-Brittany
No lets go.-Brad
(he always has to agree to everything I say, why can't he just FIGHT ME)-Brittany in her mind

OH ...I know why. He's really nice.

Got it.

Oh BLogger makes the images blurry. Stupido.

That is Spanish for stupid.

I also remember when Amanda and Tanner had Sophie. Gosh. I can't even remember when she was born. Maybe 2 months into Brad and I dating.
I watched Brad hold baby Sophie. Sorta like he is holding Ashtyn now....confused, hesitant to breathe for perhaps his lungs expanding his chest will crush the new unknown thing.

But I had this feeling inside of me. This flash to the future. Which I immediately crushed with my mind powers. But I saw Mr. Clark holding my baby. I felt a love for him which I cannot explain. A love that didn't exist at the present, but I knew it could exist. I guess I brinked upon the love we share now, or the love we will share after we hold our first baby. But, like I said, I was thinking about having a baby with this guy I had been dating two months. Creepy. I wasn't having it. SO I CRUSHED IT. But I wish I would have let it in that day that Sophia Hansen was born. I wish. I wish I would have just let the images come to my head, so I could have seen my first baby. But maybe just maybe I was supposed to crush the image eventually, it just had to be there to keep me with Brad. To keep me from chickening out. To keep me from bailing on him. To keep me with him.

So many images like that existed throughout our whole relationship.

I didn't put the images there like I had in previous relationships. I placed them there because ultimately I wanted to be forever happy. But not with Brad. I didn't place those images there with Brad. They always just came. Images of Brad and I together in 2 years married and happy. Then I felt all gross and sappy inside, like I was craving to be a bride and I was over anxious but really those were the best flashes to the future ever. Ever Ever. Because they were real.

Now don't let me give you the impression that I didn't want to be with Brad, and my mind forced me to be.

I wanted to so bad. He was the best thing in my life. He was a perfect match.

He doesn't mind if I leave my clothes on the floor.

I don't mind if he leaves his clothes on the floor.

Thats just brinking on the subject of why we are perfect for each other.

But, I had this incredible fear of getting married.....

Actually of even having a boyfriend.

After the past experiences, , , , , , , I didn't want to tie myself down to anyone...

The ropes would hurt me. They would make me not be able to make my own choices.

But in a way, Brad didn't tie me down.

He gave me every choice ever.
But I didn't leave, because I loved him. Because he was the one for me.

Because the thought of being without him there holding my favorite lilies and smiling shyly with his vans and baggy jeans and bright blue jacket on my doorstep...crumbled me into a million cookie crumbs. Never to be a happy cookie again.

So I stayed. I stayed and he promised to never leave me. He promised to wait for me no matter what.

And still I ask him, "Well how do you know there isn't someone better for you??" HUH???? TELL ME TELL ME NOW!!

He tells me many things.

But these are the things I remember.

"Brit, when I was in Honduras for two years, I always thought about what I wanted in a wife. I dreamed about her. I constantly picked out her qualities. And you are better than all of those things."-Brad

"But, still how do you know? How do you know that there isn't someone with more qualities than me?"-Brit

"You never stop Brit, I know because I dated girls, something always bugged me, something was always wrong, they had maybe all the qualities but something wasn't there. Then I met you, nothing was wrong with you, you had all the qualities and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I would do anything for you then and I barely knew you. Something was there."-Brad

"Are you ever going to leave me?"-Brit

"Never"-Brad

"No matter what?"-Brit

"No matter what."-Brad

"What if.."-Brit

"NO! I never will."-Brad

And thats when I melt into his muscles.

So this baby experience was more than meets the eye. I was 17 days away from gluing my self to Brad. Willingly.

I like baby experiences.

Reminds me of the family I will have someday.

Reminds me of when I asked Brad what he would do if our son pierced his ear.

Reminds me of how I stare at babies.

Reminds me how Brad had to pry my eyes off of a baby last night at Cafe Rio.

Reminds me of how he copies what I do when a baby goes by. Wide eyes with my whole body following the baby.

Reminds me of how my mom says its all natural.

So is love.

Its natural.

I can't stop loving him.

Gosh. I can't leave him in the start of the day, and the 8-5 lasts forever and the end of the day its like butterflies steal my whole body.

Gross. I just went on the longest love tangent ever.

Sick.

Sorry if you puked eight times.

But baby experiences always make me realize who I am. Why I exist, and who I should marry.

Now, I love his freckles.

Freckles.

Freckles.

OH! Operator party tonight.
Yahoo for kids.

Yahoo for parties.

Yahoo for school on Monday.

Yahoo for love.

After the operator party we are going to go on a operator hot dog roast.

Really.

Not lying.

Actually we only have 3 confirmed.

Natalie, Brad and I.

Still, thats a party right?

Oh, School starts.

So sianooooorrrrrraaaaa.

Secrets.

I'm sick of keeping all these secrets.

I'm a BYU operator. And I don't care who knows it.

Whoa. That was a huge secret that I was supposed to never announce. I just did it. There its out.

Call us.

We know everything there is to know about BYU.

422-info.

And we are giving out magnets in the wilk.

I love it.
Nobody knows about us.

Now we are going public baby.

Oh baby baby.

Public.

Also, I love sushi.

Also, I don't like Obama.

There I said it.

Flat out said it.

I have my reasons.

Hate me because of it.

But I'm educated as well.

I'm not just a join the Mormon crowd type.

Because I like french kissing before marriage. (with Mr. Guitar)

And some Mormons don't.

So there another secret is out.

This may cause problems.

An outrage.

A huge secret I've been holding in forever....
....
one time I drank pop from one of those pop machines oh fountain machines.

Like you know put my mouth under it and sucked on the part where it comes out. I pulled the lever. I was there forever. Sucking all these pops my mom wouldn't let me drink.

Pops like Mountain Dew.

Pops like Pepsi.

Pops like Dr. Pepper.

Pops like Coke.

Dr. Pepper was the best.

Still is the best.

Every once in awhile when I am feeling evil I buy a Dr. Pepper.

I don't tell anyone.

Cuz I'm the example right?? Right??

Ha!

Those poor people who bought fountain drinks at the carnival that night.

They got my saliva.

Actually I didn't try the ones I actually was allowed to drink....the root beer and sprite.

Also, my mom threw away Aladdin cuz Jazzy had too much cleavage.

Don't worry my mom has softened up....she lets the four year olds watch spiderman.

So....things have changed...

But still, we don't have 'sugar cereal'

That's out of the question.

Also, another secret...

I call my Lady Comp, my gameboy.

Actually Brad calls it that.

It stuck.

It wakes me up at 8, then i stick the pointing blue thing in my mouth and usually go back to sleep.

Whoa I'm pouring out the secrets today.

Also, I bought True Religions.

Yikes.

Bad Secret.

Expensive Secret.

Well I had a gift card.....so I just used it, and paid a little more....
That's okay right?

Right?

Natalie's mom called it the 'Brides treat'

No Natalies mom, you are a treat.

Ohhhh ya thats right.

Natalie is my friend.

We went to Costa today.

I had a piece of rice on my boob. She told me.

It stained my white shirt.

Louise (my boss) then got out her Tide pen. She Tided it. Its now a bigger stain.

Hopefully it will come out.

School starts on Monday.

Blahk.

One professor keeps emailing me things to do.

She sent me the same email twice. "Oh just in case you didn't get the first one"

What?

I did get the first one.
I'm also addicted to the enter button.
Bam.
Write a sentence.
Then enter a few times.
Bam
Bam
Bam
(Bam represents enter)
Anyway, Natalie's parents are here.

Really, they are going to be my best friends in heaven. Not here, cuz they live in Seattle.

Oh another secret.

Natalie is a secret operator too.


Shhhhhh.


And my old boss, Crystal....
She's pregnant and didn't know it.

Well, its a long story. A great story though.

That's why I am providing a secret link to her blog post about it.

So you can read it.

But if you are Crystal, you probably don't want that link, cuz you are already informed, cuz you wrote it.

Bam, enter.

http://wearebrown.blogspot.com/2009/08/this-ones-doozie.html

There. Click there.

Also, Brad's stepdad, who is also named Brad, but Brad calls him Barney to the public. He lives by a man who is a mechanic. They fixed my brakes. Gave me new ones. Also they put new tires on my car.

They considered it a fun project.

I considered it an act of an angel.

Or two angels.

Which reminded me of this talk that I read while Brad watched the office.

Ha, I totally just portrayed myself as the spiritual good one, but really.....Brad is a sure walking religious perfect man.

So Crystal's blog, about all the people helping her and her husband, reminded me of this talk by Elder Holland.

It gives me comfort on a stormy day.

CLICKO HERE

Also, Berkeley told me she doesn't read posts unless there is a picture.

So the picture I have chosen.

Is this.

Oh before I show you.

Another secret.

Berkeley is another operator.

Okay.

Here it is.

Photo of the day.


This was at the Oakley Idaho 24th of July Parade.

I snapped it secretly.

It was 2008.

Fun secret fact.

Elder Haight is from Oakley.

We are rivals with Oakley Idaho.

I am going to dinner tonight with Brad's family.

Minus his brother who is married and lives in Lubbock.

We are going to Los Hermanos.

Sally lives here now.

Its official.

Her roommate stole her room.

So now she has a box room.

That's okay.

She runs track for them.

On schalarship.

Good thing I am not on schalaship.

I can't spell.

She will do well.
I know it.

Just so you know...

I love Brad. He is a good husband.

That's no secret though.

He puts up with a lot of me.

And only a select few know those things he puts up with.

But that's why he is my angel.

Walking angel.

He seems quiet and go easy, but deep down he is hiding everything.

Hiding his angel side.

It only comes out when nobody can identify him.

Like when I'm a sobbing mess.

Or when I'm a crazy faced turtle head.

Angels.

They are everywhere.

Sick.

He is really sick.

Could anyone help me?

Maybe he should go to a doctor.

A doctor for guitar addictions.

Whoahhhh. What would I tell them? My Mr. Guitar Skinny Pants just wants to play his guitar all the day long?

I told you he was addicted to guitar.

I snook (past tense for sneak) these pics while pretending to take a picture of something else.

Build me up, Buttercup. Thats what he is learning. Or was learning.

He learned it.

Right now he is obsessed with two songs.

Random songs.

Hey you-Pink Floyd
Snails- The Format

He knows them. He sings them.

All the time in fact.

*Blogger decided it wanted to make my pictures extremely blurry. I dealt with them. I posted with or without (U2) quality pictures.

I had a BreakDown.

Breakdowns are interesting. They make everything seem really bad. No matter what it is.


They are dramatic.

They are devastating.

But trust me they are real.

I told Brad all the reasons I was upset.

Please tell me they are valid reasons.

I said, "My painting sucks."

I said, "My jeans are too tight."

I said, "I don't want to go to school."

I said, "I have no purpose."

He came back in full force.

He said, "Your painting is incredible, your jeans are perfect and your butt is hot, and you will be the best teacher in the world, who else thinks of wearing a different letter around their neck as a necklace every day??, and you are the best wife ever."

Minus the best wife in the world part, he said all of that..

When you are married you can call random parts of the body, like butts, hot.

As he drove me to work I thought of all the things Im good at.

Every talent that came to my mind I disputed with a reason why that talent sucked.

I can paint, but I can't draw lines worth a dang. And anyone could paint if they just tried.

Please tell me someone else self destructs like this too.

I hope I'm not the only self destructor.

Brad does it too.

But his is more along the lines of, "I'm awesome at guitar, but I wish my fingers were made of diamonds so I could play every minute of my life."

Meaning, he is perfect.

Yes I have a perfect husband.

Back to my horrible life.

As I was self destructing in my head I realized.....

"I'm not that horrible at painting I guess, I guess I could diet more and look better in my jeans, I think I have a purpose or why would I still be alive."

Then I realized its all about perspective.

If...I'll Die.

If I have another dream about Brad having an affair. I'll die.
If I find a mouse in our house. I'll die.
If my Lexus is dead forever. I'll die.
If the service engine soon light doesn't go off on my Saturn. I'll die.
If I don't take stats before April. I'll die.
If we don't go to the grocery store to buy milk. I'll die.
If Brad loses his freckles. I'll die.
If the plaque doesn't come off the back of my bottom teeth. I'll die.
If school is hard. I'll die.
If there is a mouse hiding in one of my shoes. I'll die.
If I dream about mice crawling up my bed and getting on my face. I'll die.
If someone calls BYU INFO again and can barely speak English and gets mad at me for not understanding. I'll die.
If someone calls me Brittany Clark and thinks its funny again. . I'll die.

No I probably won't die.
Just be freaked, scared, hyperventilate, strangle, choke, stop breathing for only a moment.

Ransacking...Miley

It sounds like from the title of my post I am ransacking Miley. But Im not. Seriously Im not. Miley is a doll face. Wouldn't want to ransack her. It did say ransacking America. But that sounded way bad. So I just deleted that all together. As I ransacked this photo I thought of my American background. My home grown roots. When I ventured to Peru for three weeks I would always say, Ya Im American. Then my fellow volunteers who weren't 'American' informed me. . . Im not an 'AMERICAN' Im from the United States of America. Because if I am an American then so is everyone from South 'AMERICA'. Blah. Im an American. If those folks in South America want to call themselves Americans so be it. Just so freakin be it.

Brad and I went to Tucanos. Speaking of which. Isn't American. Its Brazilion. How much is a brazillion? Hahahasdfahsdflhaslfh oh im funny. Its ten.

We went for my birthday meal. So sweet and nice of him to take me there. It was free. I drank more than I ate. I was so thirsty.

It was a 45 minute wait so we went to W-S. What? You don't know that acro? Oh, its Williams-Sonoma.Oh whats that? What are those bowls? Oh, those are the bowls we bought. So perfect. So nice.

Except in white. White goes with everything. I bought white over Red and Multicolored because. . . It felt like a white day. Maybe if I had have gone yesterday it would have been a red day. But nope. It was a white day.

Perfect. Now I can re-DI my bowls that I bought awhile ago. Now I have used the gift card from W-S. Perfect. We also got funnel cake mix. Seriously, its going to be a dream come true when I make that.

Now I have Bed Bath and Beyond Silver bowls, and white W-S bowls. Im so kitchen stylin. Now I just need a kitchen aid. Ill add a donation box on my blog. Maybe in 15 years Ill buy one with the donation box. Perfect. Awesome.

I felt like my throat was going to puke at Tucanos. I ate way too much. So good though. Wish I could take home a box of it. Wish my husband owned it. That would be oober sweet.

Now Im dreamin. Just like I was with the kitchen aid. Stop. Stop. Reality. Yuck.

My husband is addicted to his guitar.

But back to Miley. And ransacking.

I attended the Stadium of fire 2008. It was a blissful time. It reminded me of why we have unity. And speaking of unity..

Unity. How is that even important? How is it important to me? Well since I got married it changed. It changed a lot. I am unifed with this Mr. Skinny Guitar Pants and he is unifed with me, Mrs. Got New Bowls at W-S. So when you unify yourself to someone....that means when people ask you questions like, "Hey what are you guys doing for Thanksgiving..." You cant just shout out, "Oh my house" You have to look at each other, determine if you have made a 'unified' answer in your head, and if not you give a very, unified answer. "Oh we haven't talked about it yet."

So if you don't do that. Feelings get hurt and things fall to crap. Thats what these pictures make me think about. Unity. America.

And dance.

Why dance....Well cuz if one person messes up the kick line, then you all look like crap.

Should I take crap out of my vocabulary?

I wont because I know you like it.

Unity means so much to me in so many aspects.

My millions of bros and sis's all know that we are unifed. Its just there. Its a bond. No matter what we are stuck together, and its not like we could get out if we wanted to. Our souls are bonded. So we wouldnt ever want to get out.

Now thats real unity.

And in my opinion, America should be unifed. And golly who doesn't think that.

Everything should be unifed.

People in the fast food workforce, them guys should all work together in order to create a unified group.

A unified group is so much stronger than being alone.

You dont have to be married to be unified.

You dont have to have family to be unified.

You can just unify yourself with something, something that builds your freaking character.

Back to Miley.

At the concert, my sisters and I were all there singing our little souls out. Thats unity.

It feels nice to be united with so many things.

At the concert I remember the soldier part. They brought down the wives of the soldiers, and they honored them. I remember that the wives thought that there would be nothing more than that.

Then they brought the soldiers on live streaming.....satellite? And those women were just a sobbin and bawling. Screaming inside, aching for their husbands. Those women had their families out there. And their kids were just in shock.

I was in tears.

Buckets filled with tears.

I would never be strong enough to leave my Mr. Skinny Guitar Pants.

Not for one night.

Not for one month.

Not for one year.
NEVER for one year.

So prayers to those women.

They are so much stronger than I could ever imagine.

Hey, they are unified.

Unified with their country. Unified with their lover. Unified with their kids.

Gosh.

Unify me.

Ransacking Game: Blood

As I think about my life and the purpose of why I actually breathe and cough and sniff and scratch. Hey! Scratch and sniff. Distraction. Continuing.. scratch and walk and run and laugh and talk and exist.......I think I guess I know Im supposed to get married and have kids and have a boppin' family. . Right? Right. But the other day I was asking Brad.....questions that he couldn't answer.

Big stink. Why doesn't he know everything? I guess I just assume since he is a RM (for those of you who don't speak Mormon that's 'return missionary') I just assume he knows all the heavenly spiritual answers. Maybe I should resort to calling Prophet Monson and leaving messages on his voicemail. The little red squiggly is underneath Monson. It wants me to change his name to Monsoon. I think he would be okay with that, but for now Ill stick with Monson. The questions I ask Brad are deep. Like, "What happens when 5 million people die at once, how does Jesus judge them all at once?" I know the judgement is simple right now but he still has to say, you go here, you go there, you go here, you go there.... That would take forever.

Does he delegate it? Does he just have an automatic sorter. Like a wall that wont let them enter unless they have a certain amount of good deeds, or dont have a certain amount of bad deeds. Does the family member of that person take them?

While I throw out all these irrelevant questions, Brad just continues looking at me and says, Im not sure Brittany. I know (then he tells me all he knows on the subject)...You need to just research and find out for yourself if you are desperate to know. Brad is good about it. But the point I am trying to make is...

I always want an immediate reason, an immediate answer, an immediate solution.
Life isnt immediate.
Hamburgers at Wendy's is immediate.

I usually wake up in the morning with Brad (if I work later than he does) and make him a salad then prepare Dinner. I wish that was immediate, but with time I am getting better and faster at it. Also I have resorted to cutting all the vegetables before then just throwing them in his little Tupperware. So with time I am understanding how things work a little better.

Point Im trying to make is even though I want to know my purpose now, I want to know why I breathe just like everyone else...I am slowing realizing that my purpose cannot be defined to me, and if it was my defined to me, my purpose would then be unfulfilled. So slowly I am seeing why I am here, why I go to school. Slowly I am learning from life, not from reading a book called 'Whats life about'.

Love isn't immediate, flowers don't just pop right out of the ground. So as my life goes on I am learning. There I said it. I could have said it in one sentence. I could have skipped all the hobbey jobbey up there. Oh well. It feels good to write. Write about stuff that makes sense to me and you probably have to interpret.

But on to the Ransacking Game
BLOOD
This hand here is my Dad's. My brother Landon is onlooking and grasping it hoping to steady the queasiness of cutting your hand. Now I randomly ransacked this photo from a photo place. I thought it was catchy and disturbing. It reminded me of so many things. So many memories of blood.

Gross I know. But for me it was a shock. Just a small shock of queasiness. Blood teaches us that we are alive. Alive and kicking. Mmmm nice to be alive. I love living. Eat to live, not live to eat. Thats what a coworker told me the other day. Pretty sure she is obsessed with NOT eating. Ahh well. Back to BLOOD. I hope all caps helps you see that BLOOD is so prominent in this/these story/stories.

The picture above is of my father. I already said that. But he once was cutting something for all of us to eat. Most likely onions. We will say onions because wow oh wow I love onions cut and cooked. And he knows that, so he probably was cutting and cooking them for me. Or everyone. When he let out a grunt and then turned and his hand within seconds did this. He was looking down at it, and I had my camera around my neck taking you know the usual happy head shots that portray nothing about the day or state of being of anyone. And then I saw this and just snapped a picture. My dad didn't like that, "DONT take a picture of my hand," He said firmly. "Dad, come on, its not like Im going to say you wanted me to take a picture of your wound, " I said with a friendly tone.

I know my dad has had lots worse wounds than this. He always scared me when he told me stories of farmers who had their whole arm cut off in the baler when they reached down to unplug the alfalfa that got stuck in the....whats the word.....oh heck we will call it spinner. But that scared me when I imagined my dad having a horrid accident like that. But on a happier note. This was a small accident. And when I looked back at these pictures I remembered one time when I was cutting something. Lets say cheese. Gross I dont cut cheese. I buy grated. Easier. Faster. Better.

I went too fast. And slice. Slice in my thumb. Or maybe it was a different finger. Im not sure. Its okay. It doesnt matter. I cut it. And it was really deep. I felt really queasy. I tipped one way. I tipped the other way. I went upstairs got my cell phone and called my dad. On the phone I vowed never to cut anything ever again. Not cucumbers, not lettuce, not cheese, not onions, not radishes, not pizza, not jalepeno peppers. Nothing. I wont. Never again. I told my dad I felt like throwing up, I felt sick. I felt like I was going to faint. He said, its because cutting yourself is a weird feeling and I needed to just lay down and think about other things. Then he started talking to me about stuff. Stuff like what I was doing that day, then it came on to I was making dinner for someone, (BRAD) then I remembered that I was cutting just minutes before then my gag reflexes came and I said, "Dad, maybe I should get stitches." He said, "Well remember when you nearly cut your toes off with a shovel?" Oh gosh yes. My toes were to the bone. They shook when I moved and it felt like they were going to fall off. I remember. I see the scars all the time. I remember when tanner told me I was going to cut my toes off. And then I did. Almost.

Then he said to wait. If it didnt heal in a week or two and it looked infected in a few days then go. But he guided me. He made me feel like he knew what he was talking about because he had seen BLOOD before.

Blood doesnt get me. Its the thought. Its the, oohhh they are in pain. Ohhh they are going to die and they have family and a life and ohhhh Im sad for them.

Blood. Landon. Me. Fourwheeler. Skip this story if you dont want to get the queezy heezies.


Here I am giving you space to skip it.

More time.

Go ahead just click on the link to leave my blog.

Go to someone elses blog.

Hannahs, she has cute girls all the time on her blog.

No blood on there.

Oh how about Cake Wrecks. No blood on there, just on cakes.

Okay stay then.

Stay.

And get the heeeebbbbieeeee jeeeeeebbbeeees.

I was driving the fourwheeler. Lisa, my best friend at the given time. Still my Great friend. Just saw her Saturday at her husbands graduation party.

She was on the tube with Landon. Sally was nicely placed on top of them. There was snow on the ground. There was a crisp ice covered rope connecting to the back of the fourwheeler. We were in a nice big field where nothing could go wrong. Nobody could get hurt. No tears could be shed.
I was driving fairly fast. As fast as I was comfortable going. As I was invincible at this stage, now I would go much slower. Probably wouldnt even go now that I have a developing family. (I said family, not baby). I was driving along the fenceline. Echo, who is now 15 and taller than me and not a baby at all, was stuck on the fence. Crying for help. Crying. I couldnt stand it. I slowed to a stop by pushing on my brakes. The motherly instinct in me at 12 years old was not as strong as it is now but trust me..it was still there. Brakes. Meaning I stopped fast. But the tube didnt. The tube couldnt. It was still going the speed of the fourwheeler. I looked back. I was stunned. I thought, "I have to go again." But I was frozen. Not because of the cold and the several feet of snow, but because something bad was going to happen soon. The tube was coming so fast right at the back of the fourwheeler and they were all head first. Oh no. Im so sorry. Im soo so so so so so soooryyy.

I tried to think of a word that could describe Landons skull hitting the steel hitch on the back of the fourwheeler. But no, bang, crash, smack, or collide word could ever describe it.
It was heartwrenching.
He was alive though. He rolled off the tube with his gloves to his head. Lisa was clutching her arm. Sally was in a fit of tears. Landon begun yelling at Sally, "WHY DIDNT YOU JUMP OFF?"
Sally, ran to the fourwheeler. I stood in shock beside the fourwheeler. Echo was not crying anymore but still strattling the fence. Lisa was still on the tube.

Sally put the fourwheeler in drive and drove off in a sobbing disaster. I began screaming, "COME BACK, COME BACK, we have to take Landon back. I glanced over at Landon saw him stumble for a moment as he stared at his blood soaked pink gloves. Blood poured over the sides of his head. I dashed to him trying to steady him. Sally eventually realized her rationale of driving away when we had two injured riders was not the best option. We were all in shock. Landon was alive. But there was so much blood.

All of this was my fault?

Or was it Echos for being on the fence?

Or was it Sally's for not jumping off the tube?

Or ultimately was it mine for not stopping slow?

We analyzed it.

But ultimately I felt like it was my fault.

Still do.

All that BLOOD.

My doing.

More ransacking later.

Ransacking Game

I choose a picture from one of my random memory cards.
Then I tell something I remember about that day/picture/experience.

Dont be bored out of your mind.....
Embrace it :)

Ps I have 5 2 gb memory cards...meaning I have alottttttaaaaa life in there :)

Most of them are full or nearly full...

Before I clean off my cards onto the hard drive....
I'll share this with you.

Try to imagine my high school really quick. Its small. 100 students. Its in a town called Malta, Idaho. Nope, you know you haven't heard of it. Unless you know me...really well, then you have heard of it, but most likely you have never been there.

Well keep imagining it.

In May I traveled to my sister Sally's graduation there. As you probably deducted from the picture above. From this picture I remember a few things...I was engaged to Brad and I rode with my dad and Sally in a different car, because we were late.....whats new...its sometimes difficult to herd the 9 children that remain at home and the 3 or 4 that came home for the graduation...into the 15 passenger van...Soooo I heard my sister Sally say, "Shoot, I gotta be there in exactly 30 minutes." This would be fine if we were in the car right then..but we weren't I was curling her hair. So she ran downstairs and told my dad, well obviously the only solution was to take a different car. I knew from past experience with my mom and her children. Getting somewhere is a task beyond anyone's control. Nobody really wants to be late to that event. It just becomes a feat that no person can conquer. No matter how many times my dad says, "Loadem up and Headem out" Nobody can get the group under 5, or even 10 to move fast enough. So that group usually takes a toll on the rest of the group, meaning they are hurrying and not ready either. By knowing all of this in my head I decided I was going to go in the car with Sally and my Dad, gut feeling. We sped. Sped on dirt roads. Really Really fast. We got there so Sally had a couple of seconds to jump into her gown, ha, that would look funny, imagine Sally leaping into this White gown that used to be mine and probably every girl sister older than me too owned it, while I hold it open for her. She got ready. I helped. We were seated in the back of the parents designated seating with a terrible view. Not sure why Sally didn't work harder on reserving more visual seats for us. She probably had more important things on her mind Im sure. They welcomed everyone. I looked around for Mom and her posse of offspring. Nothing.

OH shoot face. Dad is getting antsy. "Where are they?" he keeps mouthing to me. He then does the phone signal, meaning I should call and find out. I call the cell phones. Nothing. I call the HOUSE PHONE. Nothing. I try again. Oh, Ill try Landon. Landon picks up. "WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!"- I yell in my softest whisper yell. "We lost Ammon"- Landon.

Sidenote. Ammon is my brother. Ammon is autistic. Ammon is 9. Ammon runs away. Usually he runs away naked. When we lose him, we look for him. Usually he is at the JW house down about a mile, with no shoes on, and sporting only his white hanes.

Me- "Did you find him!?!?! Where are you?!!!" "Yes, he ran to Florence's naked. (JW) We are on our way, Grush's Dairy"-Landon (Me thinking and imagining Ammon escaping running naked as fast as he can before someone notices he is gone, and wow, he managed to get out of the house naked, wonder where he left his hanes)

Sidenote: Our graduation lasts maybe an hour. Maybe. I was freaking out. They were going to miss Sally's speech. Her Valedictorian speech. Her Medal AWARDs!!!! Why do you even go to graduation if you miss the speech by the V-dictorian? Especially if the V-dictorian is your daughter.

Story:
They announce the Salute and Valedicts. Sally and Marli, best friends. They walk up. I look at Dad. I say, "they are just at Grush's Dairy." (translation, Grush's dairy is a good ten minutes away, and Landon said the person who was driving...we will leave her anonymous.. was driving slow.) Oh perfect! Put some more time on there. Dad shrugs his shoulders and I say, "Ammon ran away, they found him." Dad smiles as he stands up to conquer the parental support role to the Valdict in the medal ceremony. I rush to the front to take a picture of my Dad with Sally and the medal. I know what the audience is thinking. "Where is Darla? Where is Sally's mother? Where is she?" Oh, probably Ammon. No, the audience is not thinking that because the audience does not have a autistic child.

My dad walked up alone and whispered to Sally the problem. He then walked down alone and shrugged to a few concerned parents.

Sally's speech started. I recorded it. Still no sign of mom and posse. After speech I felt bad for Sally. My mom, the one who needed most to hear the speech, didn't.

I looked over and saw my mom and her posse, all with the common interest of surviving in our family (seeing how a posse has to have a common interest to actually be consider a posse), were standing in the doorway.

Come to find out they only missed the first part of her speech.

Not as bad as missing the whole thing.

My mom's thought was, "Well at least I didn't have to get up in front of everyone."

Notes about this story:
Lighting in our gym is horrid and next to tragic.
Ammon was okay, and at times it is difficult to stare at him 24/7 to make sure he isn't taking screens out of the 3rd story windows and standing in them looking down, or running away in this case. So on that note, every story has a happy ending.

And...Sally is now attending UVU on a full tuition, books, and living Track and Academic Scholarship. Ya, she's a superhero.

Tune in again for the Ransacking Game.

Thought

Some days. I really don't know what to write. Sure..I love my life. Sure I love being happy and married and in school. But sometimes I get sick of happy beautiful posts. I get sick of head shots of how happy I am. Im sure you do as well. Sometimes the irony of sadness is that you can change it, but you are beneath a boat drowning because the fish are pretty. Oh, sorry, that probably doesn't make sense. What does make sense. Normal and common stuff makes sense. Be normal, because thats comfortable. Do what everyone else does because thats safe. I have no existance to exist. I am a dot on the planet choking for the air of life. Along with every other fiend in this existance.

And with that note. . . . .

I will be a teacher soon.

Hoping to shape and direct minds.

Not like the blank slate theory. But you know what I mean.

Sorry.

Sorry for ruining your day.

I didn't post anything personal.

But maybe I posted everything personal.

Approach me.

I have a new straightener.
It's for my hair.
I told Hannah on the phone, "I got a Chi straightener"
She said, You mean a Cheese grater?
NO! A Hair straightener.
We finally got it sorted out.
Does my hair look straighter?


I think it does.

But as school nears closer....my birthday is gone....Im 21 and drinking heavily now.

Okay that may have been a joke.

I bought all my books.
Three of them have arrived. So about 150 dollars is sitting in books that I rarely will read on my desk.
Which is in the front room.
And a mess.
Not to mention we have these creatures..
Everywhere.

Thats a creepy crawler pic taken on my cell phone. Oh gross.
I need a sticky pad. Or some other method to rid of spiders.
So to school I say....hurry up and come so that you can hurry up and be over.
Except I rather like school.
And I havent had a whole lot of school lately.
I read a lotta books this summer though. So that was good.
I got married. That was a great accomplishment.
My two sisters had babies.
My other sister's puppy had babies.
My mom is pregnant. That is a joke. She really isn't.
Bad joke?
I lightened my hair, twice.
I went on a honeymoon with my honey.
Not sure where the moon comes in.
My sister Sal Pal is moving down to UVU to do track.
She can only wear adidas on the field.
She can't wear BYU stuff anymore.
We need to get a couch she can sleep on.
I ran into my good friend Sarah at Brad's cousin's reception.
She paints. And she paints tulips at the tulip festival.
That was a joy to run into her.
I went to Chadders for the first time.
No it wasn't as good as IN N Out thirty times on our honeymoon.
The bun had flour on it. That grosses me out.
My bathroom has no outlets in it.
We have a vent that I shoved a towel in so we couldnt hear our upstairs people and they cant hear us...but we can still smell.
Smell cookies.
Smell popcorn.
Smell chicken.
I want to put a stinky thing in there so they can smell us.
My shoulders are peeling from Lava.
Its kinda gross.
....
So come on school, just hurry up.
Fall, you can come too.

Honeymoon me.

For legal reasons I shouldn't write about this. But its so lame. Lame train.

Brad's previous landlords won't give back his deposit. 350. They said they were going to give back 3 dollars total. For five guys who each paid 350.

I won't name any names. That would be rude. But 3 dollars? Thats an insult to the poor boys' intelligence.

Three dollars.

Yuck again.

Anyway, Brad's Lava wound is healing. Finally scabbed over. Open wound I put this oil Evelyn on it....pretty sure I nearly killed poor Brad. He said it stung really bad, then he started taking deep breaths and saying it really hurts. So I grabbed the olive oil and poured it all over his back. I thought it would work....but it didn't. It worked when we got He was still mad because of the stinging.

So he took a shower.

I kept asking him if he was okay.

He turned out okay.

I felt bad.

And the wound that wouldnt scab over, finally did. It did scab over.

Thank goodness.

Now if those landlords would just agree to pay us. Dang it.

We submitted that fafsa thing.

I wish we had a donation box on my blog or something.

It would say. To make Brad a doctor click here.

To make Brit a teacher click here.

We would mail you a thank you card.

As if I don't have enough to send out already.


We stayed in Vegas for a few nights because Mike (Brad's brother got married in St. George a few days after our wedding). Brad is nice and white here...I rather enjoyed this pool.

Here we have Janeen and Mike shoving cake after their marriage.

This here is Janeen's dad. Coach Leach. Click HERE if you have no idea who he is.

This was a beach where we got in. Sorry about the smudge..its.....a problem we had.

Mr. White Pants. I mean..... Mr. Muscle face. I mean....you decide what you want to call him.

Oh here's Brad with Coach Leach. Brad's brother (Mike's) new father in law.
Brad.....you kinda have this look on your face like, you can't believe you really are standing there with Texas Tech's football coach. Or maybe you saw something behind me..mmmmm

Still in Vegas.

That was super fun.
ps. costco produces these fruit stretches. I am eating an autumn apple one now. I live off of these. They are healthy. I think.

Oh here's a beach where I made sandwiches. The wind was blowing the lettuce off as soon as I put it on. Sometimes I make compromises for Brad. Like most people like Miracle Whip on their sandwiches. Or even Mayo. I personally am a MW person. Brad, oh Brad, he likes Ranch. So I decided to just have Ranch too.
This was on the way home.... Stopped in Vegas and walked the strip. Strip. Hmmm....


Temple in San Diego. We went, and hoped it would be open, because it said it was on the website, but it was NOT open. So we made sad faces and stared at it and wished we could go in.

Oh sure Brad, make me look like I was a guppy fish. While you look all cool and popular.

I promise he wanted to kiss me.

Maybe he just wasn't prepared.

No pretty sure he just laughed at me.

Remember this...?
This is the engaged Brit and Brad.

This is before we were married. Before we both had rings on our fingers. Well I guess now that Brad has a new ring on his finger due to losing his first one.......different story.



And this is the married Brit and Brad..

Glimpsy

So what happened to me?
The tooth story.
Full version.
What you don't want to hear the full version??
Okay short version.
I was experiencing some tooth pain.
It got really really bad in the night.
I cried.
Then took 8 IBP and fell asleep.
In the morning I went immediately to the dentist.
"How soon can you be here!?!?!?!"-Nice Dentist Front Desk Person Named Jessie.
"10 Minutes"-Me
So Dentist gave me amoxicillin (is it spelled O..N... or I..N... IDK) Anyway, and loritab, and ibp. So...I went to BYU pharmacy. Sat there forever and the lady's computer was broken. So I went to Walmart. Walmart I waited for 2 hours because my dentist's license was up to prescribe loritab. What? Anyway, we had already committed to go boating with our friends who aren't engaged yet......and so we went directly after. I was tired. I don't know how to make it more exciting than that. I just was ready to crash but the day had to keep going. And my tooth still hurt. And I felt sick. But boating was way fun and I lost my bottoms on the tube but caught them right at my ankles.

And then.....
after boating we had a intramural coed softball game...
which we lost.
So we had to play again directly after.
We barely lost.
Oh and I scheduled surgery to get my one remaining wisdom tooth out.

Just so happens that our friend we went boating with worked in that office.
So Friday...I got that tooth right out.
I stayed awake because Im married and conservative.
I am positive that the shots were the worst part. Didnt even numb my skin. Or the area.
Pulling the tooth was fast and easy. Felt like my jaw was going to snap but it didnt.
Brad kept asking about me to the assistants. That was cute and nice of him.
I was taking so long because it wouldnt numb because it was infected.
That hurt.
Saturday we played soccer.
Brad doesn't believe in recovery.
Jk. I was okay.
Anyway. Then Sunday happened and I was so so so so so so sick. For two reasons.
Tooth being one. Something else being the other.
Then Monday was my birthday.
We did some awesome things.
Brad woke me up and said happy birthday. Then we got ready for Lava Hot Springs. Well I got ready while he went to his sister's to pick up my presents.
He got me this...

A blown up picture of my favorite wedding picture.
This picture...

How could he be so perfect!?!?!!?!? Welp he is. And I married him.

He also got me all my favorite candies.
Skittles
Sour Watermelons
Mambas
Actually two bags of sour watermelons
Then he took me to Sushi at my favorite place!! SHOGA!!!
I love sushi and I love Shoga. Here is my free cheesecake. Quality pictures come from one armed button pushing. With no eyes looking through the viewfinder. Who uses viewfinders anymore?
We need to use the little box that you look through called a viewfinder...because we are getting this unqualified picture as a result as my birthday celebration at Shoga. Did I mention our kids are going to have freckles?

Thats okay because I like freckles. And I love them on cute cuddly little kids. Shoga likes to decorate amazingly.
We went there right before Lava.
I forgot my camera at Shoga. It was my birthday give me a break. A big fat kit kat break.

So I forgot my camera and remembered about 10 miles outside of Lava.
So I forgot about it for like 3 hours.
Im crazy.
Brad said, "Do you want to go back?"
Ya brad, then we will completely miss your talent at the talent show. He is a good husband.
So since I dont have any pictures from this years Lava, we will have to rely on last years :) Except Brad isnt in it...:( but....just visualize him and I going down the waterfall sideways tipping over and almost dying. Well Brad scraped his back sooo bad. And that prevented him from jumping off the 33 foot platform more than once.

Anyway so please enjoy last years pictures.

OH and if you want to see a glimpse of lava from this year on my sister's blogo, go to this link CLICK HERE

Problem is...I didn't emcee this year. Hans and Frans did....click on the link...
Spiderman was here this year too, and I wore my Chacos this year as I did last year.
This is my cake last year. This years cake, I didnt take a picture of because ...oh ya, didnt have my camera. Shoga did.

These guys didn't come this year.

We did shoot of rockets like last year.

My grandma sure came, she made it possible. Thanks Grammy.

Is this dumb? To post pictures from last year?

If it is...Im really sorry.

But this year it was just as fun as last year, except this year...I had a husband to ride the tube with me. A husband to put his feet down in the rocks on the river. And...Im 21 this year.

Last year I was only 20.

Oh....I probably should tell you about my honeymoon.

Timer is great for all sorts of things. But especially for honeymoons. So lame to go up to a walking dog person and say, "Hey um...could you take this picture of us?" They then glance down at your freshly shiny rings and say, "OH ewww ahhh you guys are on your honeymoon arent you?" Blah! Puke face! So, we just did the one arm hold, or timer.

This was on some beach.

I love Brad, still even after 40 some odd days.

Imagine that :)

Tune in next time for real love on real beaches in real life California Honeymoon.