Saturday, October 24, 2009

Do I look...

Lately I feel like I am gaining weight. You know that feeling you get when no matter what you wear, how you look in the mirror, or how you compare yourself to everyone else, you still feel hefty?

Then there are those days when you are like, dang I am skinny whinny over here. Check me out.

So I decided instead of going all day everyday from 7-11Pm, I want to try something. Maybe waking up earlier to work out, run, do something. Maybe that will make me feel better about myself. I am always eating as fast as possible, and usually it is a granola bar and an apple.

I took 5 tests last week.

Brad took a handful too.

It was a stress week.

This morning I woke up after a dream that my dad had 3 wives. None of them resembled my mom. One was Dolly Parton looking, the other a hispanic lady, who was very sweet, but no one understood her, and then another lady who was very homely and scary and always kept her ratty hair over her face.

I found out my dad was a plyg because I was playing this game when somebody referred to me as their sister. I said, "NO WAY I am NOT your sister." Then they got frusterated and took me back to the compound where my dad kept all his wives.

Sally was there, and she SWORE it was totally normal and fine.

I was the only one who was dying inside from this chaotic mess of breaking every law and sinning beyond any sins I had ever experienced. This was a nightmare. But nobody seemed to think it was but me. Sally thought it was great. I kept trying to talk sense into her, my dad finally kicked me out of the compound and I took Faith with me, and she was a devil possessed child.

Anyway, I cried in my dream. And I was telling Brad about it in the morning, and I told him I cried in my dream.

He said, "What's new."

Referring that I cry all the time in real life.

I pretended to be mad.

But I really wasn't. Because its true.

I get so busy, so stressed, and have 3 papers and 50 kajillion text book pages to write, and plan lesson plans to teach in the third grade class that I am in....that I just break down about the stupidest things.

Then I am telling Brad, I am just crying because I am stressed. Because stress makes me cry. Its like I don't know what else to do when all my body can't do what it needs to do.

I got my first test score back, 92. Did they expect for us to get good grades when there is 4 other tests to think about? I dont know, but I sure tried.

So with all the stress, Brad is so nice to me.

I try to remind him that I am a Senior, and its supposed to be hard.

And sometimes when I have to go to work, I just take a 20 minute nap, then drag myself to work in this groggy state.

So one can see how I consider myself hefty.

My intramural bball team got moved up from 15th to 7th in the power rankings. We are in the lower division, but we are ranked overall divisions. haha, we are probably too good for our division. Hope we can make it through tourneys when we get moved up to a higher division.

Brad's intramural team ffball team one barely last night. It was a lucky pass. With no time on the clocky.

I love intramurals. They make me not feel so hefty, and they make me happy.

Plus its fall. And fall means it has a slight chill to it.

Brad taught me how to play raquetball today. I got discouraged easily, then I said out loud, "Just because I haven't mastered this sport in 15 minutes, does not mean I am a failure."

Then I decided I want my own raquet, that will help me love it all the more.

I wish I was a student forever. Free facilities. Free intramurals. Free computer use. Free life.

I am working on my thank you cards. I have so many to send out. I have already probably sent out over half. Writing them hurts my hand.

But getting married was so worth it.

For a second I envyed Brooke because she gets to get married again.

I just wanna marry Brad again. Maybe we will move to a new country, pretend we arent married, then get to know everyone, then fake get engaged, then fake get married and get all the presents and attention again.

Oh but I could have a baby, then we could get all the presents and attention again.

But then we would have screaming and disciplining to deal with. So maybe...I'll wait on that one.

No worries. I love babies. :)

We are going to Midway tonight to visit and watch the game.

The lovey love birds will be up there.

Brooke and Aaron.

They should name their first baby, Braaron.
I like it.

Unisex name.

I am going to name my first baby Friar John.

Peace.

3 comments:

Karissa said...

Don't even worry about 3rd grade! I was soooo nervous but it was awesome. The kids know alot and they can do alot. They can read and write fluently and it's great. Also, your supporting teacher will give you all the information you need to know to plan the lessons. And the kids will ADORE you!!! I love kindergarten, but I really really loved my time in 3rd grade. I would love to have my own 3rd grade class. It rocks.

As for everything else, you can do it. You're amazing and you'll be amazing in your cohort. You can get through this! Just think, after this semester it becomes easier! more busy, and time consuming, but easier. The hardest thing is the TWS and it's really not that bad. Especially if you consistently work on bits of it throughout the semester. And the professors really just want to help and support you and they're there for ya. And I could go on, but maybe we should just get together sometime and chat. I've been through what you're going through and YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!! much love!

Lisa said...

That does all sound stressful! Good luck, I'm sure you'll do great.

Crystal said...

You should have another wedding that I can come to.