por que?

i like peru. i like it a lot. let me tell you my basic day. wake up around 7...providing someone yells at me to get up. leave around 730 ish. walk about 15 minutes and try to avoid getting hit, or hit on (this happens but not too often so dont worry about me) and walk down to a busy street while we wait for our bus. how do we know what bus to get on? a person hangs out the side of these minivan type things yelling the city they are going ´chupaca chupaca chupaca´or sicaya sicaya sicaya´sicaya is where we go. we then flag them down and get on the bus. this bus is usually stuffed to the limit. and we are HUGE for peruvians so our knees and heads get busted. or bust people. one of the two. then we yell baja! then we get off and walk somemore, where we encounter herds of various animals, dead animals, dogs out of control of every breed possible and diseased as well. then we arrive at the orphanage slash underprivledged children. sorry i dont care about spelling right now. k how about i explain my day yesterday. yes. okay.

i arrived in a chipper mood, but i took some allergy medicine before i left home because all the poop and crap on the kids and on the bottom of their shoes gets me sneezing and wheezing and junk. so that made me drowsy. so drowsy that i fell asleep standing up, and my dear friend shayla said to me ´tia! blaah alkajdlfkjeimkjbñ´ because i cant understanad a word they say. they call me tia. not sure....senorita maybe. who knows. so i go into my classroom where they have a teacher teaching these lovelies. they are four. there is about 30 of them. one teacher and me. anyone who knows how guidlines work it is usually required in usa to have 1 teacher to about every ten kids or less. so...we are outnumbered. so the teacher cant speak to me, i cant speak to her, but we try. and i understand some, and she understands nothing i say. she has to hand draw out every activity. so i help her. we were drawing rombus´ which are diamonds i believe. yes. then she writes every childs name on them. in the meantime i am trying to keep them from killing each other. time out. think of the most violent child you have ever seen or known. times that by a trillion. welcome to my 30 four year olds. all of them would probably kill you in your sleep. or worse. today one child tried to rip out my throat, then he shoved his hand down my shirt and jerked my shirt towards him and bit my shirt and wouldnt let go then began spitting down my shirt and revealed my top portion. as he is laughing and then others join in to get there super clean hands down my shirt. sorry mom. its tough to be modest here. okay. distraction.

so yesterday jessica another volunteer from london was with me in my room. it was her last day. the teacher informed us she was going to get some fruit. okay? two hours later. and many swear words later she came back. im trying to laugh about this still. its tough. but i didnt cry. i was too angered. what happened while our teacher was gone? a lot.
1. peeing. 2. on me. 3. fights. 4 bloody faces. 5. a flood. 6. children climbing out the window. 7. jessica using every profane word she knew. in english. 8. me thinking and maybe just maybe saying some profanes. no i didnt. okay i did. okay you decide. 9.me bleeding. 10. chaos. 11. did i say chaos i meant hell. 12. hell. 13. 30 4 year olds attacking us with pencils and throwing chairs, big wooden chairs at us and other children. 12.jessica gaurding the door. 13. me trying to sing five little ducks in english. 14. me attempting to sing head shoulders knees in toes in spanish. ugly picture. dont think about it. 15. jessica holding a child down while i tried to remove the coveted stolen stickers from her hand as she spat in my face, all the while other lovelies running around attacking me and destructing the classroom. in about an hour every thing that was on teh wall was on the ground ripped to shreds. oh sorry..numbers 16. sink being overflooded and children standing in it throwing each other to teh ground. 17. me maintaining chaos for 15 minutes of the two hours by pulling out the cars puzzle raquel gave me (thanks raquel) and taping it to the wall. did i finish...nope they ripped it down and began throwing it at each other. they have gangs too. at four. they do. one kid hits another. the other goes and gets all their friends and they pumble the other one. until blood is oozing. things are not safe here. (if you ever wondered why orphans are not normal when adopted, this is why)18. throwing pencils. all of them all across the room. 19. all of them screaming. 20. while all of this is happening please picture jessica guarding the door warding off about 7 kids, me trying to stop fights and get things like pencils and scissors away from them. 21. i gritted my teeth a lot. 22. i grabbed about 3 children causing problems all at once and sat them in the corner and stood over them so they couldnt move. as i warded off about 6 others who were poking and throwing things at us, as they were screaming. i probably was screaming too. 23. oh about an hour had passed and i wanted to know where in the H my teacher was...so i went exploring.

I FOUND HER DANCING WITH A GROUP OF OTHER ADULTS IN THE COURTYARD NEARBY!!!!!! LIES!!! no fruit was visable.

i could tell you more. i could scar you for life with some things that i have seen here, but...ill keep it pg13 rated. unedited version is in my journal. read it sometime. just know that yelling in english at the children does work, for five seconds. just know that i dont yell. except here.

oh there is an and then. if that wasnt enough...and then lunch came. i was cleaning up the 400 dishes and i had a stack of about 5 or 6 plates i looked up for a second and the slime caused them all to fall to the tile floor. (maybe i am clumsy. i am. there is not a maybe) so i fell to my knees and began to pick them up. the huge shards of glass. jana ran over, as she knew i was absolutely a wreck. my nerves have never been so shot. she put her hand on my shoulder and said, ýou can cry, just cry´ i couldnt. i didnt. no tears would come. i just was in awe. at least i quieted the entire lunchroom, and all the kids had this look at me, like...she is dangerous..why do the teachers not care. why do they leave us for hours. why. por que. please tell me. please. i went home. i layed in bed and stared at the wall. did i do anything for those children? taught them swear words in english maybe...jk. really though. my day was a disaster. i then had to say goodbye to other volunteers after we ate dinner together in a large eating place behind the cathedral in the center of huancayo.

today was better. the children were sweet looking. still abusive little devils, but im sick of saying no mas no mas, and every other spanish word i know. i have found that love seems to create some peace between me and the devil child. i walk away from a lot of dangerous things, but they swarm me and i cannot stop 50 of them from beating each other with chairs, and they know it irritates me, and the nails on the chairs are semi dangerous..so..you know. i dont like it. i also dont like it when they dig through the garbage can. i dont like it when they pee on the playground, but i find humor. i laugh a lot. after yesterday thats all i can do. i am falling in love with a few of these kids who really care about my well being and do everything i ask and help me learn spanish. they dont have much. next to nothing. i wish i could take them all home and save them. but i cant. i can be an example though. i can give them gum. i can fix their hair, and put hand sanitizer all over there never been washed hands. i can be happy here. i love peru. i love the people. i just wrote my worst day ever. it wont happen again. i wont let it. i will be happier, its all i can do. im going to the amazon jungle today. 5 hour bus ride for 7 dollars, roughly. cheap. im rich here. sorry this is long. you are bored. if you even made it this far. i dont miss home. i have some things i miss. but for the most part, the people i am living with help me not be homesick. i could stay here for awhile. providing i got a new supply of herbal remedies from my mom to keep me alive. i drink coke. a lot. it helps my stomach. sorry mom. dont tell dad. i hope im not addicted to inca kola when i get back. i hope you read this. you should keep praying for me. its nice. i feel safe and loved. if you worry. stop. im okay. rabid dogs scare me. i like my chacos.